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The last minute Valentine’s Day gift

The last minute Valentine’s Day gift

IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY, and my life is in a shambles, because I can’t afford flowers.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I must have a few bucks tucked away for a last minute Valentine’s Day gift. But the money in my change jar won’t cover the gazillion bucks it would cost to buy a dozen long-stemmed roses today.

Never mind that those same flowers cost 20 bucks any other time. It’s Valentine’s Day, and the flower hustlers know that men must purchase roses or face a year in relationship purgatory.

SJones 2.11.2014Granted, LaVeta said that I didn’t have to buy her any flowers this time around. But if I know anything about marriage, I know this: When your wife absolves you of flower responsibility on Valentine’s Day, you must immediately get on the phone and call an exorcist, because a demon has taken over her body.

Bottom line? Wives want flowers, gentlemen, and they want them delivered so at least one other woman can see them and become envious.

CLICK HEREto read the rest of this column from the Philadelphia Daily News and Philly.com
(Featured illustration by Richard Harrington)
Solomon
Written by Solomon