VERY FEW people are mean enough to say no to a little girl selling Thin Mints in front of the supermarket. That’s why we all buy Girl Scout cookies.
But let’s keep it real. If the Girl Scouts are going to continue their shortbread hustle, they’re going to have to give us bigger boxes.
I’ve tried to tell myself the skimpy boxes don’t matter. I’ve tried to take comfort in the fact that I’m helping children. But when it’s time for that late night snack and there are only two cookies left, I’m not thinking of little Shelly getting her activity badge. I’m just thinking that I want more cookies.
Don’t get me wrong. I love the Girl Scouts. That’s why I’ve tried so hard to rationalize their tiny cookie boxes. I’ve told myself the skimpy cookie boxes are the Girl Scouts’ attempt to put America on a diet. I’ve told myself the price jump is a secret tax increase designed to deny us our cookies.
But when I’m alone in the kitchen, staring at that last Lemonade cookie, the truth whispers to me from the Girl Scout logo on the bright yellow box. It’s really weird, too, because there are two girls on that logo, so when they speak they sound like something from “Children of the Corn.”
“We raised the prices and gave you less,” the logo says in a sneering tone. “This is America, and in America, that’s what you do.”
I cover my ears and tell myself there’s no way little girls could be that cold blooded. And that’s when it hits me. The sweet child who sold me the cookies isn’t to blame. It’s the people in cookie marketing.
The geniuses behind Girl Scout cookies knew exactly what they were doing when they decided to give us half the cookies for twice the price. They knew we could turn down high-priced cookies on a shelf. But we’d never say no to little Hillary if she confronted us at the supermarket entrance.
Bottom line, people will always buy cookies from little girls, no matter how much they cost. And when we open our boxes of Caramel Delites and realize we’ve been had, we’ll scarf them down to deal with our disappointment.
That moment of relief leads to another box. And another. And before we know it we’re trapped in Girl Scout Cookie addiction.
Well I say, “No more!”
Give us enough cookies to make a decent midnight snack. Charge us fairly so we can eat our Thin Mints with dignity. Treat us like valued customers who are important to your business. That way we won’t feel so used.
You’ve got to understand that these cookies are more than just snacks. They’re like old friends. From Lemon Chalet Cremes to Thin Mints, from Do-Si-Dos to Samoas, we’ve spent decades eating cookies with funny names. Never once did we say Tagalongs sounded like the name of a pair of shoes. We didn’t question you when you told us you’d made cookies called Trefoils. We simply bought them at your price.
I don’t think I’m alone when I say I love Girl Scout cookies. But I’m also not alone when I say this: If you’re going to charge us four bucks a box, the least you can do is give us enough cookies to get us full.
(Featured photo by Solomon Jones)